Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Everythings all at once!

So, I tried writing on myspace, however it wouldnt allow me to do so...I gave up after two days of trying, and opened up this account, hopefully it'll work much much better.

So, for my first blog on this site...I'll talk of how some new thigns are happening in my life.

First and formost, I have a boyfriend...of almost a month (July 1st) we immediately clicked, and we have very similiar goals...both wanting to get married, have kids, move back east...that sorta thing. *Not in any particular order* We've even talked about moving in together...and well, August 1st it'll become a reality for us both. John looked at this one apartment, and now the damage deposit will be put on it on Friday. It'll be a 1 bedroom, which'll be nice. My only question is...and I dont want to think about this, because I'm quite optimistic....but, what if we dont work out...what if something goes wrong??? Will we be able to communicate through it. I think we're two both strong people, and I'm sure theres bound to be arguments and times when we'll both want to throw in the towel...and say "thats it!" <---I really hope this doesn't happen...but life is not covered by rose coloured glasses 24/7/365.

I really hope that John is the one...you know, that person that everyone is searching for ....I really hope that my search has come to an end. He seems like he is. I dont know why though...and I'm trying so hard, I reall am...and maybe it's from my past...getting hurt and all....I'm so afraid that because everything is going so well, that somethings bound to happen. I kick myself everytime for thinking like that...because I know I shouldnt. I'm just scared to loose him, he really means so much to me. I dont want to loose him. I mean, I've been lied to soooo many times, I've had my heart broken even many more times...and it's finally when I like someone and they might actually like me back....it's always crumbled before me. I keep thinking what do I have to offer, what can I give in a relationship...I dont have much of a heart left that isn't broken. However, when John holds me close to him, I know that I'm safe. Make sense or not...it's my thoughts, and it doenst have to make complete sense.

We've been apart for two weeks now...and it's driving us both crazy...so, tomorrow evening, he's picking me up from work...and we're just gonna spend the evening together with each other :o) I'm soooo very happy about that. I'm quite excited about it...can't wait to see him again! Like I said...he honestly means so much to me.

I can't guarentee him when, but one day he will hear those 3 words. I just have to make sure without a single doubt in my mind, that he's for me!

Well, that's enough blabbing....I'll write more later...maybe get back into poetry....it's my favourite.

Becks

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