Tonight, was supposed to be a fun night for me. No, really it was. I have no idea of what kind of fun I was expecting though. I was going to the movies with the paws girls, and not my husband - first time going out with people other than just my husband and I.
The girls all stood around afterwards and talked, and I guess that's where I consider myself a "social reject". It is not anyone's fault but my own. I wasn't being "snotty" or "stuck up" I guess maybe it's just because for the last 7 months, I have not made any friends, haven't gone out anywhere, and I dont do anything unless my husband is with me. Maybe, it's because I don't know how to react to being around people, maybe I just dont have any kind of social skills.
Whatever it is, as I sit here typing this, a few tears are falling. They're falling because I so badly want to make friends here, and yet...it just seems so far out of my reach.
Maybe this goes back to when I was a kid, and how I sheltered myself. I would always be in my room with my nose in a book...not wanting but desperately wanting to have friends. When the chance would happen, I'd always pass it up. I guess maybe I felt I wasn't good enough to be someone elses friend.
Maybe all this babbling is nonsense, and makes me seem like a pity party all to myself. I'm not like that though. I'm a very nice person, and I believe I have good qualities that would make me a good friend to lots of people. I just dont have the social skills to be that person.
10 months ago